Miscourage & the running girl

(Originally posted on 8 August 2017)

Okay, this is it. I’ve written down a running schedule for the next nine weeks. It's the countdown to my first half marathon (October), followed by my first marathon (April)! God those words seem so foreign...I'm a beginner. A total novice. It feels damn good!

It’s all in the name of my mental health and for Tommy’s Baby Charity.

We suffered two miscarriages on our way to meet Baxter. The first happened at week 12. That’s three months in. Three months of excitement and positive dreams to the future. Three months of so much love for that little peach in my belly. Having seen its little heartbeat on two occasions, we’d begun to tell our loved ones. Then all of a sudden our dreams were lost. 

Maybe one day I’ll write in length about what happened. I’m just not ready for that to be online yet. (But you can ask, I'll remain open to those curious. It's important.)

The second miscarriage happened so very near to finding out we were pregnant. The day after, to be exact. My dreams dashed silently as I wandered the streets of London while playing tour guide for old college friends I hadn’t seen in years. I’d popped into the national portrait gallery loo, and well, you know the rest. My husband, so busy at work directing a play which debuted that week, was left in the dark. It was the first time I wasn’t open with him. I didn’t want him to be upset when he was working so hard.

I was slowly dying inside and no one knew.

With time we healed. With open ears, I was able to tell my story to those willing (and unwilling) to listen. I don’t expect most people to understand, but I do want to raise awareness. Miscarriage is loss. It’s a grievance. With the help of good friends, family and charities like Tommy’s it gets better.

I was nothing short of nervous through my entire pregnancy with Baxter. But we made it through to full-term (and then some! At 42 weeks, he was sitting comfy!). Baxter is truly a gift we never thought we’d have. 

So in the name of mis-courage I’m running for the babes we’ve lost and the awesome little dude we brought into this world. 

I hope that you’ll help support me in these races and support Tommy’s and the work they do.

You can help sponsor me here: 

http://m.virginmoneygiving.com/mt/uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=RunKaylaRun

we’ll always love you

my tiniest mascot